Antisocial animal

I think I’m quite antisocial, and realizing it doesn’t serve me any good on occasions I would push myself to be more social, even start a contact with another human being. On weekends like this I’d be happy to just stay in, clean up, read books or watch DVD all day. But my current job doesn’t allow me to be much social so on weekend I have to balance work with play. Meet up with friends, or if I’m lucky meet new ones.

I don’t know if avoiding certain people is also part of being antisocial. In particular I don’t hang out with my boss (current nor past bosses), and definitely prefer not have anything to do with them during the weekend. Just the other day after strolling by 66 beach with a couple of friends we decided to get some salad in a burrito place. When we were going in I could see my boss was already there with his family. I turned around and left, texted my friend that if they won’t change place I’d just go home.

Is that normal or plain weird? It was dark, fortunately. I don’t want my boss to see me left like that and got offended or I can say byebye to my bonus..

Do not take it personally..

I sometimes feel puzzled when someone, on trying to console me when other people say or do something nasty, would say, “Ohh, don’t take it personally, he didn’t mean it, he might just had a bad day.” A big part of me reject that, because someone was hurting my feelings and this other person was telling me how to take it, how to feel about it? Let me do my own feeling, thank you very much!

Then a twist of what said, I wonder whether that person would do the same thing? Somebody (say, his or her boss) came up to him or her and said something nice and then I’d say, “Ohh, don’t take it personally, he didn’t mean it”. Huh?? Well of course if what he said just came out of nowhere we could be suspicious. Either he has a favor to ask, or he did something bad and was trying to make it up. It gets harder and harder to find people doing nice thing just because, without a hidden agenda.

I’m that kind of person. Wary when people are trying to be nice to me, because somewhere there must be something behind it, although I don’t let myself get carried away analyzing it. The same wariness works for unkind things people do or say. If you observe closely you can see that some people just need to leash out negative feelings, and the rest are just mean.

Back to being crappy, I know this particular person, X, who tend to talk a lot, with many syrupy adverbs and polished up words that you usually find on travel magz. It’s just blaaaahh.. An example, you did something as simple as lending a pen and the compliments you got make could make you blush. Smooth talker, a friend said.

Not so long ago I failed to do something for X, which I would argue that it’s not even my obligation. And out of nowhere, X went ballistic saying a lot of crap that were supposed to make me feel guilty. Where did that come from?? But luckily I’m well trained; this kind of crap doesn’t deserve a place in my head. I knew the intention, and it definitely was not going to happen. I know 100% that if X wanted to lay it all on the table X didn’t have a case and had no right blowing up like that.

Despite what happened, at the back of my head I didn’t feel any regret. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Watching X the past few months, being a flatterer and trying so hard to be a source of positive energy, I was just waiting to see the other side of X. Curious, whether X going to talk about it. I’m ready, bring it on…